When Your Human is Sick

Mommy has been sick this week, and she is taking something called Cough Medicine. I don't think she has kennel cough, as she never spends any time in a kennel, but she's definitely been coughing. And we don't object to her trying to fix the cough problem, as it keeps us awake at night, and even a truly stunning maligator like myself needs her beauty sleep. It's hard to get a peaceful night's reset when your Mom sounds like she's hacking up a chicken bone that she ate too fast. Plus, we want Mommy to feel better so we can get more walks.

The problem is that no one should be making important decisions while on Cough Medicine. It makes you sleepy so you fall asleep on the couch instead of on the comfy bed, and while this has some benefits (a forgotten bag of cheese doodles left on the tray table that I might or might not have claimed as my own), it also impairs your judgement. Here are just a few of the questionable decisions she's made this week while under the influence of Cough Medicine.

1) Canceled our sardines subscription because it went up by $5.17. I get that inflation is a thing, but what's five bucks when it comes to the health and happiness of your precious dogs? Melina has taken $5 bills out of her purse and eaten them before and she hasn't even noticed! Besides, sardines are healthy and necessary, and they're our favorite late night snack! She says she can buy them cheaper at Shoprite, but will she? What if she forgets? When it comes to important things like sardines, subscriptions are the way to go -- better to set it and forget it, that way you never run out!

2) Said that bedtime snacks are only for bedtime. I mean, who came up with that silly fiction? Bedtime snacks should be for any time! And every time! Yet I asked for a bedtime snack right after dinner tonight, and she said, "No, Kaylee, those are for bedtime." Is that the dumbest rule ever, or what? Clearly the Medicine talking. We need to get her off it ASAP!

3) Limited us to one walk a day each. Yes, it's a long walk, and she's sick, but we are HELPING her by walking her. It makes her lungs work better. And if two long walks are good for her, wouldn't four, or six, be even better?

4) Refused to go to the doctor. How come when we say no to the V-E-T, we still have to go, but she can just say no to the human doctor and curl up in her bed trying to sleep it off? Doesn't she think WE'D rather lie on our beds and sleep it off rather than being dragged to the V-E-T? Different rules for her and us aren't fair.

5) Eating stuff like grapefruit when there's perfectly good chicken in the fridge. Did I eat some of the grapefruit, just to be polite? Well, sure, and I shared some of her English muffin, too. I'm just a supportive maligator that way. But clearly the Medicine is impairing her judgement, because no one should be eating citrus fruit or English muffins when there's rotisserie chicken available!

6) Said "I'll probably do the dog event this weekend and leave the dogs home, that way I don't have to carry a heavy crate." First of all, why even bother going to a dog event if you don't bring a dog?? Second, have either of us ASKED you to bring us a crate? We'd much rather sit at the table with Mom while she passes out camp brochures, barking at all the potential campers and trying to sneak off to the booth that sells treatos. (And not to belabor the obvious, but who's going to trust someone to come to your dog camp if you're sitting there without a single dog???) Clearly she should bring both of us for maximum credibility -- not to mention fun and impact -- and skip the crates entirely if she doesn't want to carry them. We certainly won't complain!

Pictures of us making serious faces to show that Medicine is Serious Business, and you should keep your human away from it wherever possible.